Embarking on the journey of parenthood is simultaneously exciting and terrifying.  You are barraged with guidance, so many how-to’s and best-of’s, the information overwhelm is real.  With all this expert advice, there are some hidden truths that don’t get shared enough about bringing home a newborn.  So let’s pull back the curtain, there is no magical wizard. Here are the six truths that every new parent should know about bringing home their baby.

Truth 1: No one is actually an expert

First, no one knows what they are doing. Yup, that’s the truth. Sure, people have written thousands of books about sleep training, development, nurturing, feeding, and baby care.  Maybe you’ve read many of them, we did too.  Not one of them is going to prepare you for the moment they hand you that tiny bundle and let you just walk out into the world.  It is astonishing that there’s no exit exam. There’s no required course.  You just get to leave with a whole new person to care for.  And if that sounds daunting, and overwhelming, and scary, it’s because it is; but it’s also remarkable. 

We have all subscribed to different methods baby raising, our kids all do just fine.  A cacophony of voices will be telling you the right way, but what worked for someone else might not work for you.  Here’s the secret: that’s okay! The beauty of there not being one right way, is that you get to explore being a parent your way. You get to decide what works for you.  If your baby is fed, and safe, and warm, and dry, then you’ve done all the necessary things. The rest you get to learn as you go. 

Truth 2: How you feed your baby is your choice

Speaking of feeding, the second of the truths that every new parent should know about bringing home their baby is that breastfeeding is really, really, really, REALLY, freaking hard. So yeah, there are lots of benefits to breast milk. If you can get through the days of cracked nipples, sore breasts, bad latches, and impersonal and cold plastic pump parts: that’s wonderful.  And if you use formula to keep your baby’s belly full because that is what works for you: that’s wonderful. 

Your baby needs to eat, and your baby needs a parent who can be nurturing.  If tear-filled nursing sessions are interfering with your connection, listen. When the nursing schedule is affecting your mental health, then listen! A fed baby is the only requirement.  You are not inadequate if you don’t breastfeed. You are not a bad parent if you give your baby formula. The choice you need to make is the choice that gives your baby a parent who can be present (period).

Truth 3: Your body will be forever changed

The third truth about birthing a baby, is that your body is going to be really different for a long time. But also it might not be as different as you expect right away.  I felt so defeated leaving the hospital after delivering a 9 pound 4 ounce newborn into the world and looking down to see a huge belly stretching the same maternity pants I’d worn into the hospital.  As a first-time mom, no one mentioned to me I would still look third-trimester pregnant for several weeks. I was devastated.  It was not helped when one week postpartum I made my first errand trip out into the world and a lady asked me cheerfully when I was due.  A post-pregnancy body will never be the same as a pre-pregnancy body. 

It takes a long time for a body to approximate its pre-pregnancy shape, if it ever does.   It’s easy to say those stretch marks and softer areas are badges of honor, and much harder to believe it.  We need to stop the crazy talk about “bouncing back”.  Your body made a person, and it does not have any obligation to ever be a pre-person-making-body ever again.  You wouldn’t expect your heart to go back to the way it was pre-parenthood.  Please, for your sanity, remember the amazing thing your body has done. Give that vessel some (all of the) grace! 

Truth 4: Sleeping through the night is not a marker of a good parent

Next, can we just relax about the bizarre “sleeping through the night” thing.  Do you want to know the truth about when you will ever again sleep soundly through the night?  Well, The Brakes will tell you: not for a long time.  Sure maybe at three months you don’t have to wake up for a 2am feed, but then there’s the 3am fever, the 1am nightmare, and the 4am puke.  These problems affect Dear Husband disproportionately because he sleeps closest to the door. Later, there’s sleep lost as you worry about your child’s self-esteem, their school struggles, and their newest bizarre friend group.  Sleeping through the night as a parent of a newborn is not the holy grail it’s been made out to be.  Try to get enough sleep to stay healthy.  Tune out the rest of the world’s commentary on this one. 

Truth 5: Babies cry, a lot

It is true: your baby is going to cry.  Sometimes you are going to immediately know what they need, take care of it, and they will stop.  Other times, you are going to do all of the things you can, and your baby is STILL GOING TO CRY.   There will be days where you have the bandwidth to pace, and rock, and sing, and soothe as your bundle of joy wails on and on.  Somedays, it might feel like too much.  You can set your baby down in a safe space and give yourself a break. 

I’m not advocating child abandonment or ignoring your child’s distress.  But, if you have met your infant’s needs and your body is telling you you need a minute away, it is OKAY if your baby cries.   Sometimes you might use a pacifier, even if you swore you wouldn’t do that (stop ye nay-sayers! Remember point number 1!!).   As a mom of four, I will say 5 S’s of the Happiest Baby on the Block were remarkably effective. We found these muslin blankets so great for creating a good swaddle.

Truth 6: You can’t press rewind

The last of the truths every parent needs to know about bringing home baby is that things are going to change fast.  If you can afford to take the extra paternity leave, do it. Or if you can sneak home at lunch, do it. Can you cancel those extra meetings for a while? DO IT.  Set your phone down (maybe turn it off).  Put the rest of the world on the back burner.  You can’t make your big kids tiny again. You can allow yourself to settle into this new space, breathe deeply and hold this new precious babe for a few more minutes.  Don’t get caught up in looking for what’s next.  You and that beautiful baby are here, right now.  The truth is, these moments belong to you. You get to stay as long as you want.

Want to capture some of those fleeting moments as photographs? Reach out to schedule a newborn session!