Embarking on the journey of parenthood is simultaneously exciting and terrifying.  There is so much information out there, but I want to help you cut through the noise, so here are some simple tips for new parents. You have been combing the internet, parent groups, asking all you friends and family. Your are doing your research. You want to be well informed and prepared. But all this careful preparation can lead to information overwhelm.

You are barraged with conflicting guidance, so many “how-to’s” and “best-of’s”, the information overwhelm is real.  With all this expert advice, there are some hidden tips that don’t get shared enough about bringing home a newborn.  So let’s pull back the curtain, there is no magical wizard standing there, he’s human–just like you. And guess what? A human who loves them is what your baby needs most. So you’re already set up for success, and here are six more tips for new parents to help you feel really ready to bring your baby home.

New Parent Tip 1: No one else is actually an expert

My first tip for new parents is to remember no one else actually knows what they are doing. Yup, that’s the truth. Sure, people have written thousands of books about sleep training, development, nurturing, feeding, and baby care.  Maybe you’ve read many of them, we did too.  Not one of them is going to prepare you for the moment they hand you that tiny bundle and let you just walk out into the world. 

It is astonishing that there’s no exit exam. I remember holding our first daughter and the nurse asked if I wanted a wheelchair of if we just wanted to go. I looked at her, astonished. “You mean I can just walk out of here with her?” So, with our giant (and yet so small) 9 pound infant, we simply left the hospital. They didn’t make us take test, there was no special exit course.  We entered as just a couple and walked out, by ourselves, as a party of three. I remember thinking how can I possibly be ready?  And if that sounds daunting, and overwhelming, and scary–it is. But it’s also remarkable.

One of the most important tips for new parents is to remember that outside so-called experts, don’t know you.  And only you can be the expert for your baby. You aren’t going to know it all. And even if you read all of the parenting books (0/10 do not recommend!)–it won’t prepare you for the curveballs your baby is going to throw at you. If you want a couple of new parent books, that I did find helpful–check out my recommendations here. But remember that being in love with your baby is the only requirement. I know you are already nailing that part.

We have all subscribed to different methods baby raising, our kids all do just fine.  A cacophony of voices will be telling you the right way, but what worked for someone else might not work for you.  Here’s the secret: that’s okay! The beauty of there not being a single right way, is that you get to explore being a parent your way. You get to decide what works for you.  If your baby is fed, and safe, and warm, and dry, then you’ve done all the necessary things. The rest you get to learn as you go. 

New Parent Tip 2: How you feed your baby is your choice

Speaking of feeding, the second of the tip new parents need to know is that breastfeeding is really, really, really, REALLY, freaking hard. I did breastfeed my four kids, and there are lots of benefits to breast milk. It is also an incredibly difficult and personal choice. If you can get through the days of cracked nipples, sore breasts, bad latches, and impersonal and cold plastic pump parts: that’s wonderful.  And if you use formula to keep your baby’s belly full because that is what works for you: that’s wonderful. If you want to check out my recommendations for best supplies for breastfeeding–look here.

The bottom line is your baby needs to eat, and your baby needs a nurturing parent.  If tear-filled nursing sessions are interfering with your connection, listen to your body. When the nursing schedule is affecting your mental health, then listen to your body! A fed baby is the only requirement.  You are not failing if you don’t breastfeed. You are not a bad parent if you give your baby formula. The choice you need to make is the choice that gives your baby a parent who can be present (period).

New Parent Tip 3: Your body will be forever changed

The next tip for new parents is that your body is going to be really, I mean really, different for a long time. But also it might not be as different as you expect right away.  I felt so defeated leaving the hospital after delivering a 9 pound 4 ounce newborn into the world and looking down to see a huge belly stretching the same maternity pants I’d worn into the hospital.  As a first-time mom, no one mentioned to me I would still look third-trimester pregnant for several weeks. One week after delivery, I set out on a solo errand for a change of scenery. I was wandering the aisles of a local baby store when a lady asked me cheerfully when I was due.  I was devastated. 

A post-pregnancy body will never be the same as a pre-pregnancy body. And your post-pregnancy body, is going to look, feel and move like a pregnant body for a while. That body just created life–give it some grace.

It takes a long time for a body to approximate its pre-pregnancy shape, if it ever does.   It’s easy to say those stretch marks and softer areas are badges of honor. It is harder to believe those things in your core.  We need to stop the crazy talk about “bouncing back”.  Your body made a person. You do not have any obligation to ever have a pre-person-making-body ever again.  You wouldn’t expect your heart to go back to the way it was pre-parenthood.  Please, for your sanity, remember the amazing thing your body has done. Give that vessel some (all of the) grace! 

New Parent Tip 4: Sleeping through the night is not a marker of a good parent

The best sleep tip for new parents is to please relax about the “sleeping through the night” thing.  Do you want to know the truth about when you will ever again sleep soundly through the night?  Well, The Brakes will tell you: not for a long time.  And I’ll tell you– probably never. Somehow, this goalpost is such a badge of honor. I assure you, you child does not care if they sleep through the night. They care that they have a parent that loves them.

And yes, sleep in those early days is magical. Some regular sleep is important for everyone. But don’t chide yourself, if six months in your are still waking at 2am to nurse. Once you’ve navigated the newborn stage, the middle of the night wakings are less frequent. But after the midnight feedings are gone, there’s the 3am fever, the 1am nightmare, and the 4am puke.  And they can be a little more evenly divided between parents.

Now that there’s no baby monitor, Dear Husband is awakened disproportionately because he sleeps closest to the door. But there’re other things that will keep you up. There’s sleep lost as you worry about your child’s self-esteem, their school struggles, and their newest bizarre friend group.  Sleeping through the night as a parent of a newborn is not the holy grail it’s been made out to be.  If you want a few resources for helping find a rhythm, you can check out my post on sleep books and tools here. Try to get enough sleep to stay healthy.  Tune out the rest of the world’s commentary on this one. 

New Parent Tip 5: Babies cry, a lot

It is true: your baby is going to cry.  New parents need to know that crying is part of newborn routine. Sometimes you are going to immediately know what they need, take care of it, and they will stop.  Other times, you are going to do all of the things you can, and your baby is STILL GOING TO CRY.   There will be days where you have the bandwidth to pace, and rock, and sing, and soothe as your bundle of joy wails on and on.  Somedays, it might feel like too much.  You can set your baby down in a safe space and give yourself a break. 

I’m not advocating child abandonment or ignoring your child’s distress.  But, if you have met your infant’s needs and your body is telling you you need a minute away, it is OKAY if your baby cries.   Sometimes you might use a pacifier, even if you swore you wouldn’t do that (stop ye nay-sayers! Remember point number 1!!).   As a mom of four, I will say 5 S’s of the Happiest Baby on the Block were remarkably effective. We found these muslin blankets so great for creating a good swaddle.

New Parent Tip 6: You can’t press rewind

The last tip for new parents is that things are going to change fast.  If you can afford to take the extra paternity leave, do it. Or if you can sneak home at lunch, do it. Can you cancel those extra meetings for a while? DO IT.  Set your phone down (maybe turn it off).  Put the rest of the world on the back burner.  You can’t make your big kids tiny again. You can allow yourself to settle into this new space, breathe deeply and hold this new precious babe for a few more minutes.  I promise you, you can be late to your meeting.

Being a new parent, has a nasty side effect of creating a lot of brain fog. It’s easy to wish for the next stage where you have a bit more sleep and a bit less pee on your curtains. The most important of the tips for new parents is don’t get caught up in looking for what’s next.  All of the next things will come when they come. You and that beautiful baby are here, right now.  The truth is, these moments belong to you. You get to stay as long as you want.

Want to capture some of those fleeting moments as photographs? Reach out to schedule a newborn session!