Your calendar is lying to you.  And it’s not a little white lie, it’s a huge, insidious, and dangerous untruth.  Both Dear Husband (AKA The Brakes) and I rely on a calendar to get our family through the week.  We’ve got four kids, two jobs, two dogs, a cat, a horse and a house.  Keeping on top of all the appointments, practices, performances, meetings, and maintenance requires some sort of list.  Put it in the Google Calendar right?  Check it off, and get it done. And at the end of the day look at all those crossed off activities, and feel…what?  Here’s the lie your calendar tells you: that if you fit it all in THEN you can feel good.  If you make it all work, THEN you are a good mom (dad, parent, sister, brother, daughter, son).  Somehow if you cross off all the tasks, THEN you deserve to feel happy.  If you DO enough, THEN you ARE enough. 

Your worth is not tied to how much you get done

Stop the madness.   Your calendar is a big fat liar who lies.  There is no magical end to the tasks that are going to scream for your attention.  Laundry will always pile up. Dishes continue to get dirtied. Another appointment will need to get scheduled.  Step away from the fancy planners my friend (they are pretty). Sit down. And take a breath.  If that is all you do for the rest of the day, guess what?  You are enough.  That was true when you woke up today, and will be true tonight. It doesn’t matter what your to-do list looks like, no matter how many things remain unchecked.   You. Are. Enough.

Ok, sure, that sounds good, but we live in a world that uses time and schedules. There are some things we just HAVE to do.  I say, Yes, And.  Yes, AND, don’t let your liar of a calendar be the one that decides what those things are.  Calendars are great for organizing, they are terrible at sorting out your priorities. There are three things you can do to combat the lying calendar trap.

Evaluate your priorities

First, evaluate what matters most to you.  As you fill your days, make sure you’ve thought about what it is you want the sum of your days to mean.  Set aside space for the most important things first.  If health is a priority, don’t leave your work-out to chance.  Do you crave family time? Put that game night on the books.  Want help thinking about your priorities?  Check out Four Thousand Weeks by Oliver Burkeman.   

Don’t let inertia be your scheduler

Second, don’t let what you’ve always done dictate what you keep doing. Inertia is real. Once you’ve started to push a boulder down the mountain, it picks up speed.  It will crush all the pretty little flowers on the way down if you just let it go.  The repeating events in your schedule will keep on repeating.  If you don’t take the time to shape your path, or slow your roll, it will get away from you.  Don’t let your calendar tell you the lie that just because you usually do something, you must keep doing it.  Ask yourself if the items you keep including in your day are still serving you.  

Say no, a lot

Finally, remember you can say no.  Really.  You can miss that practice.  That meeting can be moved.  You can say no, just because.  It is a fallacy that our worth has anything to do with how busy our schedules are.  It makes us feel wanted, and important if we can say we are busy.  Success and busyness have become confused.  In reality, one has nothing to do with the other.  An unscheduled day doesn’t mean you aren’t doing enough.  Truthfully, if you don’t have empty days to just be, you might be doing too much.

Don’t believe your lying calendar.  Your value is not tied to your accomplishments.  Make time for what matters, fill your days with things that bring you joy, and say no to the rest.  Leave space in your life to breathe, to be surprised, and to really settle into the moments that matter.